Struggling

This will be a pessimistic post.

I'm concerned about my time here. I don't tend to feel at ease around my host family. I keep to myself too much, and although I'm simply a quiet person sometimes, I feel like it's getting in the way. I don't mean to be difficult. I need to get past this. I have to show my interest and speak up and remember to smile more often.
But I hesitate all the time. I wanted to be outgoing, but I'm failing completely.

I'm also worried about learning Japanese. School turned out to be fairly useless. I don't use Japanese often (not that I speak much in the first place). I'm insecure about speaking in Japanese and I don't want to become embarrassed. I'm afraid of trying, I suppose. I'm getting in my own way again.

I fear that I will have too many regrets once my time here is up. I need to reach out for the opportunities I have here, but at times I'm not sure how to.


That said, I am taking steps to appear more friendly around my host family, and to talk with them more often. I do like them, and they are very kind, but for some reason I'm still quite shy around them.
Sometimes I worry too much. But my time here is short, and I need to work on any issues I have as soon as I can. For me some of these things are difficult though.


Anyway, I love it here, actually. I'm having a lot of fun, and I enjoy spending time with the other students. I like learning about Japan, and exploring around Nagoya Station frequently. Japan is lovely, and I'm not looking forward to the day I have to go back home.